Eric Hovind’s New Years Resolutions for Atheist
Crikey! Eric Hovind hasn’t half written a pile of dogshit this week!! Let’s go through it point by point! (As Reynold so rightly points out in the comments, we have to address it here, as Eric has ‘forgotten’ to enable comments on his blog!)
AS A DEVOUT ATHEIST, FOR THE YEAR 2012, I WILL ALWAYS ENDEAVOR TO CONTINUOUSLY…
Strap yourself in, here we go…..
…discover new and exciting ways to tell people that it’s wrong to tell people that they’re wrong about things.
Point one makes almost no sense at all, tell people it’s wrong to tell people that they’re wrong? What??
…affirm absolutely that there is no such thing as absolutes!
Really? Sometimes language and logic can get a little tricky, Eric…I’m not surprised that you don’t understand though
…design intelligent arguments to prove that intelligent design doesn’t exist.
Ah, I see what you’ve done there! You’ve talked shit! Eric, just because I can design an argument doesn’t automatically mean that ID is a real thing!
…proclaim that everyone is always right about everything all of the time (except for the Christians, of course).
I don’t know any atheists who do this. Personally I think a lot of people are wrong about a lot of things a lot of the time. The only thing that doesn’t change is reality itself – if what you preach doesn’t match reality (as in the physical universe and things in it) then you are wrong. Understand?
…invest more time and energy, of my preciously short life on this planet, constructing arguments to oppose those who waste their time believing in imaginary things.
Cos maybe, by pointing out the bullshit that you lot preach on a regular basis, we’ll rescue some of the fence sitters from losing their only life to the lie of religion
…attempt to write an inerrant ‘holy’ book (yet again) about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Nope, don’t know anyone who is trying to do this. Strawman argument
…stick my head in a microwave until I can develop a ‘beneficial mutation’.
Nope, don’t know anyone who understand evolution who would do this either. Another strawman
…complain loudly and obnoxiously when Christians won’t let me post vulgarities and hate speech on their youtube channels.
Nope, again I don’t know anyone who does this. Strawman number three.
…be offended by the very idea of a God who judges His Creation, but yet I will enthusiastically support and encourage the American government in their practice of punishing criminals and evil-doers.
Again, nope. I don’t enthusiastically support and encourage the American government, and I don’t know anyone else who does either. Funnily enough though, the Bible commands YOU to obey the ruler of the land you live in! As for being offended by your god, it’s impossible to be offended by something that doesn’t exist…I am offended by people like you who enthusiastically cheer lead for such a nasty fictional character.
…believe that there is no such thing as a heaven. But, if there was, everybody gets to go there (except for Hitler, Manson and a couple of other really, really, REALLY bad people).
Nope, I don’t know anyone who thinks that either. Strawman number four
…assert that the Bible was written by man and, therefore, cannot be taken seriously. Instead, I will blindly trust every single thing EVER written and/or said by Richard Dawkins, Thunderfoot, Eugenie Scott, the Amazing Atheist, or any other yahoo out there who hates Christianity as much as I do.
Sigh. Nope, I don’t know anyone who does that either. Strawman number five
…follow things that absolutely make no sense in the historical and philosophical framework from a point of view that is self defeating in order to indulge myself in things that are ultimately damaging to myself and others, not to mention destroy the “moral” framework of the humanistic philosophy I love to try and follow (which is also self defeating).
Try and rewrite that in english, Eric, and we’ll come back to it another time.
…allow my willing ignorance and suppression of the truth to anger Christians to the point that they become unfruitful and waste their time trying to prove to me intellectually that God exsists and if they do prove it, then my faith will stand in the Wisdom of men and not in the” power of God.” (win/win)
Ah, so you finally admit that the many hours you spent trying to convince Jim and I that you god is the prerequisite for all knowledge was a waste of time! Very big of you! Got to take issue with your statement about ‘willing suppression of the truth’ though, that’s just horseshit.
…take hypocritical offense at perceived wrongs while denying the existence of the One who defines right and wrong.
So let me get this straight, I’m not allowed to think you’re a douchebag when you act like one (which is, let’s be honest here, all the fucking time) UNLESS I believe in your invisible sky buddy? Ridiculous!
…make sure not to read the Bible again this year for fear that it may actually begin to make some sort of sense.
I’ve read the Bible several times, from cover to cover, and most of the atheists I know have also done so. In fact, it was that reading of the Bible that started me down the path to non-belief! Ironic, no?
…NEVER leave my seat at this computer in my mother’s basement!
Oh, that’s weird, I thought I was in a first floor apartment sitting next to my wife!
Seriously Eric, you come across like a total wank.
(Thanks for Ben from Canada for the idea of Eric as a performing Sea lion)